Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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