The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
