you win again, gameday.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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