Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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