Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
