meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
