I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
