wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
