just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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