Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
