Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
