i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
