I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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