i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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