I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
