I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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