Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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