ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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