I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So many bounce houses so little time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
