Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
