Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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