Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
