I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize