worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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