the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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