I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
