we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
