that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
