actually, I'm a sock model
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bring me that man meat
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
