i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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