i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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