i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
