if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My ass is underappreciated
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
