The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
