two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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