When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I touched a dick in church today
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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