Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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