This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
