Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize