Please, let me fuck your mom
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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