I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
