Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I won the penis lottery.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
