i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's the barista slut.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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