How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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