at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
