but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
