i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
