Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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