Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
