I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
