if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
