Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
