You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He kissed a someone with a penis
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
