the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
