he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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