Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
