There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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