I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
