Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
