Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
