if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize