Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
