Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
