gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
