11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
