i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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