my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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