He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
