You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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