It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
