we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize