Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
