Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
