I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
